I don’t know where the hell all this business has been coming from, but We’re(IFandCO) pretty busy during a rough time in this economy…. It’s been a REALLY GOOD week; It’s a blessing without any disguise. But even though I’m very busy with work…. I have more free time then I ever had before(being single will give you that time). I mean, I worked hard for the last decade to be able to schedule work around to cater and be convenient to my new lifestyle…. Most people have to schedule their life around work… That’s a big luxury to have.
Now my ideal day in the past year would be: wake up at 10:30am, grind a little on the internet, get some lunch, do a deal or 2, check the store’s status, then have dinner with wifey, get on the net and really chill out with a drink and watch tivo/dvd or our favorite shows. NOT go out to a club or bar, but maybe to a nice dinner a few times a week or get away for the weekend when I could. But even though I have a lot of free time, I have to say… It’s lightweight awkward on me right now, especially because I’ve been spending time & money differently to prepare my life for a family. smh. I’ve always been amazing with my punctuality and not flaking on plans, but I’ve been sleeping on MAKING PLANS! I still haven’t painted my walls (we both said we’d do) finish the recessed lighting…. man so much bs planning, but no action, just talking… but most importantly forgetting to spend and make time for my best friends, my homiez. Just walking around to check out my neighborhood(there are like 10 new stores across the street and I didn’t even know). I was so self obsessed and occupied by my relationship that I didn’t pay attention to much outside my bubble. BUT, I have zero interest in going out to meet girls/ladies or whatever…. I went out to a couple clubs this past week and I found myself damn near running from some fine ass women. I can’t stand the scene, from top snooty celeb hang outs to the wanting to be scenesters with mad hair styles type places…. the music is all the same, I miss AM, but I’m over being in that world. I retired from that. I’m looking forward to more family gatherings and bbq’s. I understand why my brother and sister who have both been married for over a decade don’t see their friends too often unless they work with them or see them at their kids events.
I have to be focused on staying planted and grounded and being solid with my decision. I don’t want to play mind games with myself… I’m not that guy “FUCK THAT BITCH, BLAH BLAH BLAH, I DON’T CARE”…. My mom always told me, don’t play games or tricks on yours or anyone elses mind! Deal and face with your problems head up, like it was credit, if you have a problem, let it be known… so I’m not gonna run from any problems or pain I feel… I’m not gonna run towards it either, but some days I’m depressed, some days I feel pretty good. overall, I know I made the right decision and overall I know I am blessed to just be able to eat well and breathe right, But I demand more than that…. meanwhile. people take LOVE either too lightly, or too heavily. shit is definitely serious. But LOVE doesn’t have to be complex, it only is when you or your partner make it complex. Love can be simple. I’m not mad at anyone, I don’t start shit. I avoid drama unless it steps on my bare feet and then I react to it, but never initiate shit. I avoid negative shit as much as possible because even when I’m being self obsessed, I still see the energy that people throw out there. If you stay ready, you don’t have to get ready.
A funny thing a party girl once told me was “being with a boring girl is just boring, but a crazy girl will excite you and bring life to your relationship”. Shit I wonder if I believe her…. I’ve been with all the above, can’t call it. I Just know what I like and what I want. I’ve served the past 2 years changing my selfish ways and giving back a lot. Right now, I need to give a little more to myself and save some for myself as I was told once by the great Willie Bullock(Homicide’s dad RIP) because some women will take all that shit from you. YOU GOTTA SAVE SOME FOR YOURSELF. I was happy pleasing others, but I need to please and spoil myself more and worry less about the clock. When I decide to let another woman inside my life, she has to understand that I’m about making myself happy and if she’s cool with that for now, then kick it with me; if she’s not, have a good day.
Anyways… I went out and spent a little money today and it felt good. weird, but I said fuck it. I mean I haven’t been ultra frugal this year, but I’ve definitely been watching my money more than ever because of the wedding/baby, etc… But today, whatever I liked, I copped. Went and watched Law Abiding Citizen last night and shit was really good…. ran into the homey James aka Proh from FM and the lil homey Chris Brown aka C Breezy and my lil homey Omarion too all at the grove… I missed that place, for some reason, it didn’t feel the same for a little while, it felt all good today and last night though.
god bless you, hope you had a great weekend.
shouts out to my peeps Dan, Donnis, G Platinum, Tendaji, Bee, Arson, Franchise, Jordan, Jonas, Slep, Kellyn, Lisa ESQ, IZ, Ania and the others who broke bread with me or had a drink and chilled with the homey….. Homicide, you always got it brodie… let’s get the bigger picture closer in frame homey.