contradictions + passion = ugly

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again, I appreciate the emails, the tweets, the messages on facebook, etc…
I’m sure I confuse many people in my personal life, so it’s only obvious that I really confuse people who don’t know me….

you can’t choose who you fall in love with or when you fall in love, if that was true, then it wouldn’t be love. you can’t fit a square peg inside a round hole… I’ve learned not to force shit or go against the grain, but I do push people’s buttons which is a bad trait of mine… Although I live by the motto of “NO REGRETS”, I do regret things at times, but I make mistakes like everyone does. I’m not perfect, nobody is; but I’m not the type of guy to edit something or remove something once the damage is done. This is what my blog is for, it’s my thoughts and if you like it, you continue to read, if you don’t, then ….. okay, it’s never ever NSFW, but I have to realize that kids related to me by blood could read my posts, so at certain times there are exceptions to the rule.

what is crazy is how different I approached love at my age compared to even 4 years ago. I’m not here to sex a girl or try to hustle some pussy, I was looking to spend the rest of my life with a special woman and start a family. Man Ignorance is truly bliss.

Now this is where y’all might be confused, I don’t hate my ex-fiance, because you can’t just turn love off…. I don’t want to hurt her, but I had no choice but to do what I did with my blog. In a weird way I hope this helps her, may sound very harsh and my tactics might not be of the likes of the dalai lama, but I’m just a punk from ktown, I’m not some philosopher or try to be. This is hard for me like it was giving up playing basketball in college… I mean I could always go back and play on a public court or playground, but I’ll never get to play again on tv or in that college arena… you feel me? I can love again, but I can’t go back to her because she’s closed the door. it’s almost like a funeral…

you know how hard it is to let y’all into my personal life by writing what I wrote yesterday? You gotta make mistakes in order to grow, when you lose, don’t lose the lesson, well I learned a hard big fucking lesson 2 days ago…. When you fight with someone, you don’t necessarily love them any less, you should learn from a fight. when there is so much passion involved, shit gets very ugly.

have a blessed day….. of course it hurts, but pain is part of the cure.


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